(nearly) Midnight musings.

I feel like writing. I am lying in my bed, unable to fall asleep because I think I'm getting an ear infection and while I'm waiting for the advil to kick in, I think I will write. Lucky you, dear readers! A blog post filled with delightful stream-of-consciousness like thoughts...

We got snow today. Lots of snow! I'm not complaining; I love, love, LOVE the snow. Makes me immensely happy. There's just something about waking up to a snowy morning that instantly fills me with glee. Maybe it's that waking up to snow falling outside my window takes me right back to those days (however few they may have been) when I would wake up and race to the tv praying that school would be cancelled, and that over-joyous feeling when it actually was cancelled. Snow days. Those were the best days ever. Period. And it was even more exciting when those snow days occurred on days that weren't deathly cold so that you could actually go out and enjoy the snow (as in not days when school was cancelled for freezing weather. Those days- not so fun. Can't do much when it's WELL below freezing.). It was on those rare and wonderful days that we would pack up our sleds and tubes and head down to Hill 17, also known as the greatest sledding hill ever. Seriously, if you haven't been, go. Now. It's open; today's snow fall made sure of that. But if you're reading this at 11:06 pm (current time in Door County, WI) don't go...wait it out till tomorrow. Much safer that way. But seriously. It's the best sledding hill ever.

Today I did not go sledding at Hill 17. Even though we got plenty of snow. I don't think it would be quite as exciting by myself. And seeing as how most people have gone back to school already...I might be out of luck this break. I did, however, go down the tubing run at camp a few times. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta make sure the hill is in top shape for the up-coming guest groups. It's a sacrifice I occasionally have to make. And hopefully it will be a little bit more packed down the next time I go. Wasn't too fast today. Don't worry. I'll keep working on it. ;) And let's see, I did a little bit more work on the video stuff over at camp. Stay tuned: there should be some new promo stuff coming at ya soon! Reworking some videos from this summer, making some new ones, figuring out ways to not break copyright laws, the usual. I am not overly well-versed in the ways of technology, but I'm learning as I go! It's kind of sink or swim. And I've always preferred swimming to drowning. Just saying...

And with that, I think I shall bid thee adieu. I think the advil has kicked in enough to let me fall asleep. I hope. Buenos noches, mundo. Hasta luego.

Break Update

Welp. It is now the 15t of January which means I've got about 10 days left of my six week vacation from school. Then it's off to second semester. It's been nice to be home, but it will be good to be back at school again too. Door County's not the most exciting place to be during the long winter months. I love being home, but I'll be glad to see my friends again! I could do without the school work, though. ;)

So let's see. What have I done over this break? Not a whole lot... I got to see some good friends from the greater Zion area that I haven't seen in a while over New Year's. It was a fun weekend of hiking, swimming and banagrams- just wish we could have had some snow! And I've been helping out at camp some; working at getting some promotional stuff made. It's been a little frustrating as we've found ourselves faced with copyright laws and such. It's not that I don't want to follow the copyright laws. I understand why they exist and that musical groups need to be payed, I just wish it was easier to use the music that I like! We've had to rethink how to do promotional videos so as to not break copyright laws. So anyways. I've been doing that some. And what else? I've gotten to catch up with some friends. Always good to see people after a long time of not seeing them. I had a sleepover with my good friend Kristi, and another one with several of my girl friends from high school. It was just like old times. :) Staying up late, watching movies (typically Disney movies), eating junk food, and then crashing in a pile of blankets to sleep for a few hours before someone moves and wakes everyone else up. Kristi just discovered these funnel cake fry things. Not as good as county fair funnel cake, but a pretty good substitute! I had a coffee date with another friend from high school, and we had a great time catching up. She just got done with her first semester of college, and it was fun trading stories. And I must say, Blue Horse has some of the best chai lattes. Ever. MMmmmmm. :) I'm told they make their own chai. I don't know how one goes about making chai, but theirs is delicious. If you ever find yourself in Fish Creek and looking for a good chai latte, head on over to the Blue Horse. You won't be disappointed! I started reading Don Quixote (in English. Someday I will attempt it in Spanish...). It's been on my list to read, but I don't think I realized what an undertaking it would be! It's well over 900 pages long, and while entertaining...I'm only about 300 pages in... Sorry, Joyce. I may have to mail it back to you if I don't get it done over this break! For those of you who don't know, the story of Don Quixote is a famous Spanish novel about a somewhat delusional man who believes he is a knight (he isn't), who sets off to undertake what he believes to be many wild and crazy adventures. Luckily, the book is a much more entertaining read that I had originally thought it would be. Now if only it was just a little shorter... But rest assured, I will finish it. Eventually. And that's really about all that I've done. I've watched several movies with my family and friends (Netflix. What a wonderous invention.), cleaned a bunch of stuff out of my room, took said stuff to Julie's to (hopefully) sell, went to a few basketball games and good ol' Gibraltar, made some delicious treats including, but not limited to, guacamole, and otherwise just kind of bummed around. I'm loving not having school work to be doing, but if I'm being completely honest I'll be ready to get back into the swing of things. We'll see how I'm feeling in a few weeks. ;) Anywho. That's a little update on my break! Until next time....

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days

Do you remember the book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"? It used to be one of my favorite books; my mom would read it to my brothers and I all the time. Alexander wakes up to find gum in his hair, trips over the skateboard, gets his sweater wet, and from that moment on knows he is about to have an awful day. It's just down hill from there. Things continue to go from bad to worse and Alexander finally decides he's going to move to Australia where things are sure to be better. The book ends with Alexander's mom reminding him that everyone has bad days, even people in Australia. Things will surely be better in the morning.

Just before finals I found myself having one such day. From the moment I woke up, I could just tell it was not going to be a good day. I was stressed about finals, and papers, and projects, and presentations (of which I had MANY in the days leading up to finals) and it seemed that everything was crashing down all at once. I was frustrated with teachers who weren't giving clear directions on assignments, I was frustrated that classes weren't as easy as they should have been, I was frustrated that my grades weren't where I wanted them to be. I was feeling lonely, and overtired, and in an especially self-pitying mood. It was just one of those days. When you're just down about everything, and can't see a way out of the darkness you're in. The beauty of it is, there's one who can and will see us through. Here's a journal entry from the day after that particularly rough day. Hopefully it can be an encouragement to someone else out there.

Rachel and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Not my finest moment, I'll admit. But the beauty of it is, I can go to bed completely broken (lying awake wondering why things were so bad, praying tomorrow will be better) and lonely and sick of the world, and wake up with a completely new, refreshed spirit. Further proof that God has not left me. I am not and never will be alone. It's true what they say, though. The darkest part really is right before the dawn. Sometimes we have to get to that lowest point in order to see clearly, in order to be brought back to the light. Sometimes we have to be brought just a little lower to even want to be brought back up. That's the thing of it, isn't it? Sometimes we like our complacency. We like the pity parties we throw ourselves, we like to wallow in that self-inflicted darkness. And it takes us to getting to a point of not knowing which way is up, which step is next, what is best, to be able to look past ourselves at the hand waiting to pull us up. He will be there, ready to get us back to where we need to be. It's foolish to question whether or not he's really there. Of course he is. He promised to never leave us or forsake us. He is and always will be with me. Sometimes it's me that moves away. I get to this point when I can barely even hear him. It's not that he's stopped giving instructions, it's just that I've moved to a place where it's hard to hear. Sometimes I choose not to listen. But that doesn't mean he's left me. Far from. He is there. My one constant when all else is shaken. Waking up to the daylight doesn't erase the hurt. It doesn't immediately make it all better. But I'd for sure rather be in the daylight than wrapped in the darkness!

Psalm 18:28
"My God turns my darkness into light."

'Daylight', Remedy Drive

Has everything you've counted on
left you right here with no warning
Have your dreams become invisible
wait with me, dear, till the morning
light will make the night burn out.

Hold on- daylight is coming
Daylight is coming to break the dawn
Daylight is coming

The brightest stars are falling down
Is hope lost in the black skies
The darkness must precede the dawn
Hold on till sunrise
Light will make your night fade out

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee...

¡Feliz año nuevo! Just when I was getting used to writing '10 on all my papers too. ;) Oh well. Such is life, I suppose. Today...er...yesterday I was reminded of the song 'Seasons of Love' from the movie Rent. I don't agree with much of what the movie teaches, but I LOVE the music. And this song is especially fitting when looking back at a year.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets,
in midnights, in cups of coffee,
in inches, in miles,
in laughter and strife
in five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, a year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love.

Seasons of love.
Seasons of love.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned
Or in tears that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

It's time now, to sing out
Though the story never ends
Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends!

Remember the love.
Remember the love.
Remember the love.
Measure in love.

Seasons of love.
Seasons of love.

When you look back on 2010, what do you see? 365 days crossed off a calendar? How do you measure this last year of your life? Was it well spent? All five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes of it? Can you learn from the mistakes you made? Can you move past the hard times, the sad times, the times you never want to see again? Can you remember the good times, the truly amazing? Can you see love in this last year of your life? More importantly, I suppose, what will you do with the next five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes (minus a few now)? Who will you be in this next year of your life? How will you live?

Ok. I'm done asking rhetorical questions now. I'll let you sleep. Happy New Year!

Things that Make Me Happy

My dear roommate and I were once browsing a Borders bookstore (one of my favorite ways to pass the time) and we stumbled upon a book called: Things that Make Me Happy. It was simply a list of hundreds and hundreds of things that made the author happy. They had been keeping this list for years. Some were small, simple things and others were extremely specific. My list does not contain hundreds of things. But there's always room to grow! And there are many, many things that are not on my list...yet. Perhaps someday I'll add them. For now, here's a few things that really do make me happy (in no particular order). :)

1. Freshly baked, baked goods
2. Getting mail (Snail mail!)
3. Successful beach days (Of which there have been many attempts, but few attained)
4. Delicious coffees
5. Sweaters
6. Swedish Fish
7. Traveling
8. Looking at pictures of the places I've been; of the lives that have been intertwined with my own; of the faces that have changed me
9. Lake Michigan
10. Movie parties
11. Movie Marathons
12. Peanut butter (chunky, of course!)
13. Singing
14. Music in general
15. Playing my guitar (or attempting to at least...)
16. Skype dates
17. Reminiscing
18. Pranks (harmless of course!)
19. Scarves (I've decided that one can never have too many scarves. Which is good because I LOVE them.)
20. Hugs
21. Head massages
22. Pedicures (though I could live without the price)
23. Getting dressed up
24. Africa
25. Weddings
26. Dogs
27. Babies
28. New Shoes (and having money to buy new shoes!)
29. Baking
30. Crafting
31. Star Gazing (By far one of my favorite things in the world.)
32. Camp fires
33. S'mores (First you take the graham...)
34. Disney movies
35. New hair products (It's an addiction. One without a cure.)
36. New socks
37. Cute headbands
38. Chocolate chip cookies
39. Guacamole
40. Books
41. Orchestras, symphonies, large (quality) choirs, oratorios, etc.
42. Musicals
43. Camp (Where would I be without you in my life, Camp Zion?)
44. Soccer
45. Running
46. Getting lost in music
47. The woods
48. Crayons (I may or may not have asked for and gotten crayons for Christmas last year...Yes, I am nineteen. I hope I am never too old for crayons. Plus it wast the 48 box of crayons. With the sharpener on the back. Who wouldn't be excited?!)
49. Flowers
50. The smell after fireworks
51. The fireworks themselves
52. Fair trade stores
53. World Markets
54. Finding good deals
55. Not having to pay for laundry
56. Large bodies of water (sorry southern Illinois. You are severely lacking on the water front...)
57. Places that make me feel incredibly small, and recognizing God's hand in the truly Infinite (star gazing does this to me every time. I cannot look at the stars without feeling and accepting how small I am, and how wonderfully vast and big God is.)
58. Enchiladas, tamales, chimichangas, etc.
59. chai tea. Mmmm.
60. Nerf guns (I may or may not have also gotten one of these for Christmas last year. :) What can I say?)
61. Useless pieces of information
62. Hershey's with Almonds
63. Dark chocolate
64. Cherries
65. Fresh fruit (Greenville, why don't you put out more fresh fruit?!)
66. Really good apples
67. Java-chip Frappeccinos
68. Skee Ball machines (I could be so content with a bag of quarters and a skee ball machine.)
69. Cereal
70. Giraffes
71. The first time I can wear a sweater in a given year
72. The first time I can go out without a sweater and not be cold
73. People watching
74. True fall days
75. Coffee dates
76. Movies in general
77. Old photographs
78. People playing with my hair
79. Good pens (I can't tell you how picky I am about pens. My favorite thus far is the Pilot Precise V5. Extra fine. The purple one when I can find it)
80. Cameo Pins
81. Snow
82. Christmas lights
83. Superhero movies
84. Picnics
85. Bananagrams
86. Chocolate covered cherries (as in combining numbers 63 and 64. Thanks Jolynn. :))
87. Classes that don't have required books
88. Pop tarts
89. Popsicles
90. Fun post cards
91. Nap time (best time of the day)
92. After work out burgers
93. Kit-Kat bars
94. Funky jewelry
95. The first signs of Spring
96. Guys that can sing and play guitar
97. Hippie Stores
98. Planes, trains, and well I suppose automobiles. But mostly the first two.
99. Aquariums (as in not the kind you put a gold fish in. Huge aquariums- like the Shedd)
100. Lightning storms
101. Fun coffee mugs
102. Tea
103. Getting my tax refund
104. Spring rain (if it's warm out!)
105. Vintage jewelry

To be continued...

Break thus far

I feel the need to post, though I don't really know that I have much to say at this moment in time. I'll just write. We'll see where it goes...

I am currently sitting on my bed at my home in Wisconsin for the first time since August (ok, if you really must know last night was the first time since August. And if you'd really like to get technical it was this morning...). Between soccer and living 10 hours away from school, I don't really get home much. Thanksgiving was spent halfway at my grandparents house so as to minimize driving on both ends. And then I spent the first part of this break in Zion throwing a bridal shower for my dear friend Kirsten (Gosh! That is still so strange!!) and also out in Arizona visiting family. And so here I am. Back in Wisconsin. For a month until I have to head back to Greenville for second semester. Should be a rolling good time.

So let's see. What would be exciting to post about? That is the question. What is exciting in the life of Rachel Stewart? Hmm....Well, I took the train for the first time. Ok. Not entirely true. I've been on trains before, but not for more than an hour or so, and not by myself. I wasn't by myself on the first one, but I was going from Chicago to Waukegan. The first train I took with a few friends. It was a pretty good time. Not horribly exciting, but hey! It's a pretty cheap and easy way to travel. Now if only Greenville had a train station.....

What else? ....After getting safely into Zion, I threw my best friend her first bridal shower. It was a little strange, I'll be completely honest. We've always said we'd be each other's maids of honor, but when it comes down to it, it's pretty weird. I think when you're little and saying, "I'll be in your wedding someday!" you don't actually think about what this actually means. My best friend is getting married. And I couldn't be happier for her. Honestly, I couldn't. It's just...different. I don't really know how else to put it. She and I have been together for a loooonnnnnggggggg time. I'm excited for many, many more years, and especially so as we enter into this new dimension of our friendship. Ours is a friendship of fairy-tales. :) The bridal shower was fun though. Somewhat crazy, but you know how I do! I think I've only been to like one before. Ever. So...I didn't really know what I was doing (story of my life). But it was really small, and nice, and fun (hopefully!). She's leaving for Africa in two days. Lucky poop. ;) Saying goodbye was hard though. And embarrassing. Not our finest moment. We'll survive. I'll miss her like crazy, but we'll survive.

During our wonderful trip to Cali! Best Friends forever life!

Let's see. After Zion, I headed out with the fam to sunny Arizona. Eh...it was sunny most of the time. When I was little we made the trek out to AZ every other Christmas, but we've gone three years in a row now! Always good to see my mom's side of the family, though this year was one of the smaller get togethers. My mom's parents, her oldest sister and my uncle, two of my cousins and their families and us! Not exactly small I guess, but when you're used to close to 40 people, 20 seems pretty small! I also got to see two of my good friends while I was out there! They graduated last year from Greenville and now live out there. So we got together to eat some Red Robin. Yumm! Pretty good trip. Saw the family, got some sun (a little, but I'll take what I can get), had fresh tamales, played with my little cousins, saw some friends, and had enchiladas from Macayos. :) ¿Que más se necesita? After a long flight back Christmas Day, and a long drive after that I have arrived in the not so sunny Wisconsin. Good ol' Wisconsin.

So here I am. Wisconsin. Door County. Gills Rock. Mi casa. Listening to Pandora. How I love Pandora Radio! Went to church today. Opened family Christmas presents (new snow pants! and a new camera!) watched some football (Bear down, Chicago Bears!) and went to the Johnson's to celebrate Jeni's birthday, eat some yummy cake and play fun games. And talk- but maybe that should go without saying. :) And I guess that that's all I have to say about that! g'night world.

Observations

I love, love, LOVE to people watch. It is one of my favorite past-times. I could sit for hours just watching people, as long as I had some yummy coffees and music to keep me company (ok, hours might be pushing it...but I could go for a long time for sure!). It's just fascinating to me to watch everyone go about their business, doing whatever it is they do. Everyone's got a story to tell, everyone's got somewhere they have to be, someone they need to see. When I was younger, I would read Harriet the Spy over and over. She is possible the best (albeit strangest) people watcher there is. No, I don't climb into people's dumbwaiters to spy on them, but when I find myself in a place where there are more than a handful of people, I can't help but watch them and wonder what's going on in their little lives. Yesterday, I found myself in one such situation. I took the train up from Bloomington with my roommate on Wednesday and yesterday took the Metra into Waukegan. I was supposed to take the 8:35 train, but somehow ended up at the train station a few minutes too late. So it was off to the food court to sit, watch, and wait for the 10:35. Can't say that I minded too much. :) I took the liberty of writing down my observations. Disclaimer: I have made up the stories about these people. I have no real idea what it is they were doing or saying. Nonetheless, enjoy!

Train Stations. Oh how I love people watching in train stations. Or anywhere for that matter. So many people, all going somewhere. Focused on their own individualistic goals. Bustling about. Doing whatever it is they do. Everyone's got a story to tell. The girl immediately across from me is probably my age. Cute head band, black pea coat, leggings (what is the deal with just wearing leggings? Put some pants on!). Vera Bradley type of duffle bag. She's traveling home maybe. Like me. (I wish I was traveling with just a Vera Bradley duffle and a backpack. I look like a nomad. Or a homeless person. She must live close by. Doesn't need to bring everything...) She's studying something while she waits for her train. Maybe she's got one more final to take before she can head home to her family. Reading over pages and pages of carefully taken notes. Science maybe. My roommate is in the sciences. She takes lots of notes. Doesn't look like science type notes though. Maybe it's for a lit class. Or history. Probably history. She doesn't study long before she looks around, puts the notebook away, buttons up her pea coat and leaves. Maybe she had enough studying. Just go take the final. Who studies anyways?! Regardless, she is gone. Off to do whatever it is she set out to do.

Cute old couple at my 1 o'clock. Purple hat and coat. For her. He's in black. She carefully gets comfortable while her husband fetches some coffee. I think she might be blind. Maybe they've got a bit before their train arrives. Like me. Maybe we're on the same train. Husband returns with Dunkin' Donuts. Good call.

Woman pacing while talking on the phone. Nicely dressed; business casual. Perhaps she's just realized she's going to be late for a meeting. Perhaps she just remembered she's going to a Christmas party tonight and forgot to get a White Elephant gift and is rushing to call her husband to find something before they have to go. Perhaps she just likes to walk while she talks. Perhaps I'll never know...

Kid in front of me looks like Harry Potter. When he was young. Not now. I think he's on a school trip or something. There's a whole bunch of kids and a few adults anxiously herding them around. He's (Harry Potter looking kid) talking of magic, Star Wars and computers. But now he's sitting by himself. He should sit by the girl reading the book about dragons. At least I think it's about dragons...

Gentleman to my 3 o'clock. Young-ish. Not sure why he got to the train station as early as he did. Trying to make small talk with his table sharer. Father-in-law perhaps? It seems awkward. Like he'd rather not be sitting in the train station with his father-in-law-to-be (no ring on his finger. Not his father-in-law yet.), but his fiancee insisted that they go to pick up her brother Steve who's coming home from college. She insisted that they go together. You know, to get to know each other better. Steve's been delayed and Mr. Fiancee can't believe he's agreed to come along. There's got to be something else going on, a game on tv or something. Father-in-law-to-be doesn't believe Mr. Fiancee's job choice is ideal for someone who's going to marry his daughter, so he (Father-in-law-to-be) questions him (Mr. Fiancee) on his ten year plan and how he (Mr. Fiancee) plans to provide for a family. Mr. Fiancee isn't sure he wants to have a family anymore...

Alas. It is time to catch my train. It is true that I shall never know what was really going on in these people's lives. Such is the life of a people watcher, I suppose.