Graduation day.
I've started this end of the year commemorative post multiple times, and have either gotten too busy studying (don't have that one anymore), or have desperately needed sleep (already up), or have just not been able to get words on the page (we'll just go with it). I've got a few minutes now, so this will probably be written in multiple sittings, but here goes.
First of all, how in the world is it time for me to graduate college? Surely I'm still that little freshman scared out of my mind with four long years ahead of me? Nope. Those four years flew by, and now I'm sitting here dressed and ready to walk and get my diploma. Ok my diploma folder, because they don't send out the actual ones till June. But still, it's an important day.
I thought about writing this post a lot of ways. I thought about making one huge list of memories. Of soccer trips, and class field trips, of roomie nights, and late night pranks, of walks and friendships and meals and stories. But let's be honest...four years of memories, I'd be here all day and then some, and I've got bigger things to do. So do you, I'd imagine.
I thought about writing about how I've grown into that weird senior. You know, when you're a freshman and you're sitting in some gen ed class, and there's still that senior who has to get their last credits in sitting there too? And they're just kind of...odd? Because they participate in class discussions, and bring coffee and tea in non-travel mugs, and they seem to enjoy writing 4-6 page essays, and they discuss topics from other classes because they can see how it all connects. And as a freshman you think, "I'll never be that person." Because they just seem weird to scared little freshman babies. But then you look at your life as a senior, and you've totally become that senior you always wondered about as a freshman.
None of those ways seemed like the perfect one to wrap up these four years. And so, in (I will note that it has now been several hours since starting this, and I'm...wait for it...officially a college grad!) attempts to put a neat little bow on four amazing years, I will just say this.
I do not come out of Greenville the same person I entered in. And this is truly remarkable. I've never realized how little I knew of myself before, and if there's one thing that I have learned in four years, it's who I am. Not because I was lost before. But rather, because I think Greenville has allowed me to become myself. I didn't know what I was going to major in, I didn't know where my college years would take me, I didn't know what I believed, and I honestly didn't know myself. But I have come to find who Rachel Stewart is. At least a little piece anyways. Life is a journey, and as a studier of other cultures, I know that my journey (in a very literal sense) is far from over. On this journey, I will continue to learn and discover who I am, and what my place is in this world.
I have grown at Greenville in so many ways. The professors I have had over the last four years spoke love and truth into my life on a daily basis, and from them I have learned, and been stretched, and been confronted, and been loved on, and been blessed. I say I didn't know who I was before Greenville, and my professors, whether they know this or not, have helped in that self-actualization. It seems odd. To need others to find yourself, but that is what Greenville has done. My professors have presented me with more knowledge than I could ever hope to remember, on a wide variety of subjects. But beyond learning terms and names and dates and paradigms of thought, I've learned how to think. I've become more aware of what exactly I believe. I've learned to look at the world not just through the lens of truth I've been told my whole life, but I've learned to find truth on my own. I have been taught about things the history text books leave out, and have been taught skills to know what to do when confronted with unpleasant realities. I have learned how to express myself coherently, even if I don't actually know what I'm talking about. ;) I have learned to not accept something as fact simply because it is presented as such, but to explore this world and find the truth within. I have been witness to models of Christian life, but from a variety of backgrounds, and have come to know that it takes all kinds to make anything work. Yes, I am grateful for the love and truth and wisdom my profs spoke into my life every day I spent at Greenville. I am grateful that they cared about more than just Rachel as a student, but cared deeply about Rachel as a person.
I have made deep, wonderful friendships at Greenville, more than I could ever name. I think that's what I'm most sad about in leaving, saying bye to all these wonderful people, friends and profs alike. I am truly grateful for each and every one of you. God bless, Class of 2013. Best of luck.
I close (being that weird senior one last time) and leave you with a quote from a book read in a class this last semester.
"I know that my achievement is quite ordinary. I am not the only [woman] to seek [her] fortune far from home, and certainly I am not the first. Still there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have travelled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination." (Jhumpa Lahiri, The Third and Final Continent)
I have not done anything so very extraordinary in four years at a small school in Southern Illinois, but to me I am amazed by all I have done, everywhere I have been, every person I have met, and all I have come to know. Thank you for the memories, Greenville. I leave blessed.
