A Tale of Q15

After a Bible Study last Thursday we were all given an assignment. An assignment and Q5. (5 quetzales or roughly 75ish cents) The assignment was to go give away the Q5 by our next meeting, which was to be that coming Sunday. We were also supposed to use the Q5 as means of conversation starting. It was a way of not just throwing money at someone who is poorer than ourselves simply because we have money, but to humanize the individual and learn something about their lives. Like the good college students that we were, my two good friends and I procrastinated on this until Sunday morning on our way to church. Not because we meant to, necessarily. Just because it happened that way. So as we were walking to church on Sunday, we decided that we would pool our resources and instead of giving three people Q5 each, we would find one person and give them Q15. As we were walking, we noticed an older woman attempting to cross the street. Our assignment was to  give our money to someone poorer than ourselves, and this woman clearly fit the bill. She was wearing old, tattered sweats, carrying garbage, and didn't have on shoes. Side note, Antigua's probably not the place I would choose to walk around without any shoes on. The ground is more uneven than you can imagine, and there's broken glass and garbage everywhere. So for this woman to be making her way through the streets without shoes of any kind was a pretty clear mark that she does not have the money to purchase shoes. Because if you had the means to wear shoes, you wouldn't choose to not to in Antigua.  Without speaking to each other, we all decided that this was the woman we would give our money to. I don't really know what we were thinking would happen. Q15 is not much by any means. Roughly $2? Hardly anything. But I think maybe somewhere in the back of our minds there was a little thought of this woman being ultra appreciative, that she would tell us how much she needed it, or how much it meant to her, that maybe we'd be able to pray with her...I'm also fairly certain we were hoping for a good story to tell when we went to meet with our group later that day. That is what it's all about, right? Having a good story to tell about how awesome and generous we are? So we look like super Christians? Right?? Well, we did get a good story, but before I get into that let me just point out a few flaws in our thinking:
1) It wasn't our money. So we weren't really making a sacrifice.
2) We're not really being generous (I mean, we are, but only kind of...) when it's someone else's money.
3) You can't save the world with Q15.

But like I said, we did get a good story. Just not quite the one we were thinking on. And not quite in the save this woman from poverty and be super Christians kind of way. Our story was more of a lesson in humility than anything else. Which, is probably a lot better than what we were thinking would happen. :) After silently deciding to give her our money, we went up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and started to ask questions like, "What's your name? How are you doing today?" Stuff like that. It quickly became apparent that this woman was not all there mentally, and has had a hard, hard life. Based on what we know about people in similar situations in Antigua, she probably doesn't have family or anyone to take care of her, and she just wanders the streets from place to place. Her lack of teeth, and her deteriorated mental abilities made it hard to understand anything she was saying. We caught snippets here and there, but nothing to tell us her name or anything about her life. There was a few times she would point to her feet, and we caught the word zapatos [shoes] once or twice. It was around this point we tried to give her our money. We each had our Q5 in our hands, and as we went to hand it to her we told her it was a gift for her, to help her out. And here's where it started to get weird...for some reason that seems to have gotten lost in translation, this woman who was in obvious need, wouldn't take our money. Specifically she wouldn't take Beth's money. She would point at Alison and I and say she could take our money, "pero no ella." [but not her] Several times she would point at Beth and say, "no ella." [not her] Eventually we got all Q15 into her hands, but before we knew it she was giving 10 of it away to this guy that was just passing by. "Do you want this?" she asked him. His face spoke his answer as he took the money. Uh yeah?! And then he took our money and walked off, leaving us feeling ultra confused, and not as much like super Christians as we had hoped. The thought, "wait, what just happened?" crossed our minds more than once. Things not having gone how we imagined, we took our leave of the woman with no shoes, and went on to puzzle out what just happened.

The focus of our Bible Studies this semester has been on giving to and taking care of the poor. As Christians we are called to do this. All throughout the Bible there are stories of how we are to take care of the poor, the destitute, the widows and orphans. Old Testament, New Testament, prophets, and Jesus directly. We're told to be good stewards of our money, because it's not actually ours. It's God's. And with it we are to take care of his people. His children. Yet how many times have I read these passages and turned a blind eye? How many times have I walked past a person begging on the street and looked away, basing whether or not I give them money on the judgment I make of their lives? Also, how many times have I given and felt, "Man, I am an awesome Christian. God will really bless me because of this." I don't have all of this giving stuff figured out (does he really mean give away ALL my possessions? Surely not. And yet the scriptures say...), but these last few months have really caused me to think about these things. About what I've been given, and what I choose to do with this money. Looking back, I can't say I've been all too generous with what I've been given. Not at all actually. That's my money. I earned it. I deserve to keep it. And yet, it's not mine. And it can be taken away just as easily as it has been given to me. Who am I to hold on to it without giving a passing thought to those far worse off than myself?

I learned a few things from this experience with the woman with no shoes, and from the Bible studies that preceded this experience:
-sometimes we think we're going to save the world, and God uses that experience to humble us instead. I imagine if that woman would have had a different response we would have walked away feeling pretty good about ourselves. But the thing is, it's not about me. It's about Him. Ever only all for Him.
-we don't know people's needs. It's easy to judge and make assumptions. But all I can see is a little glimmer of one part of their lives. I have no clue what is going on on the inside.
-I tend to judge before I give. There's such a stigma against people who beg, the homeless, those without good jobs... and I buy into it all the time. But it's not for me to judge. No where in those Bible passages do we find, choose who you think deserves money and help. We're just told to give. To take care of those in need. Not judge for ourselves who is needy and give only to those people. Just give.
-Money won't solve all the world's problems. And throwing our money at a person won't either. We have to be willing to humble ourselves in order to treat someone with the dignity and respect they deserve. No matter what their situation is, they are still humans. And I often forget, or choose to ignore that.

And that's the story of the Q15.