Thoughts on teaching from a non-education major perspective:

Shortly after arriving in Guatemala so many weeks ago, I was thrust into my first week of ministry sites: teaching English at a local elementary school. It was somewhere around oh...day 1 when I remembered, I am not an education major. And I thought to myself on that first day oh so long ago, what on earth am I doing! If you had asked my before I came here what I want to do with my life, I would have told you, "I don't know exactly, but I don't want to teach!"I've never wanted to teach. Ok fine. When I was little I ultra-loved school. And then I probably wanted to teach. But I also wanted to be a superhero, so we'll go with I've never really wanted to teach. :)

And then I came to Guatemala and realized that I had signed up for six weeks of playing teacher. And I thought to myself, oh no.


Tomorrow's my last day of teaching. If you were to ask me now, I would still probably tell you that I don't want to teach. But I say that, and I don't want to at all undermine the incredible experience I have had while working in the school this semester. Hold on, though. I'm getting ahead of myself.

I think somewhere in the application process I read something about the work at this school being something along the lines of one-on-one work, maybe like tutoring, or small-scale ESL (English as a Second Language) education. I don't know if I actually read that or if I made it up, but I thought huh. I could probably do that. At Greenville I'm getting TESOL certified (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) and so this seemed like a good option for the six weeks I would spend working with Students International as the ministry part of the semester. And so that was the site I chose. Looking back, that has God's hands all over it. Had I known it was going to be actually teaching, in a school/classroom setting, I probably would have quickly reevaluated my options and picked something different.

Our first full week in Guatemala was to be our first week of ministry sites. And as I sat down with our site leader on that first day of sites, and as I read through her description of the site, and as I walked down the hill to the school, and as I entered the school building, and as I prepared to help with that first day of classes I progressively got more and more panicky, and more and more overwhelmed. Oh no. What on earth am I doing here?? I can't teach. I'm not meant to be a teacher. I'm not called to be a teacher. Right God? You're not calling me to this! Please say no. Hundreds of thoughts like this coursed through my head all that 1st week. Overwhelmed doesn't really even begin to cover how I was feeling. Our schedule was to be 1 week of ministry sites, 4 weeks of language school, 2 weeks of ministry sites, 4 more weeks of language school (plus a week of spring break), and then ending with 3 weeks at ministry sites. The first week we were basically just assisting in the classrooms, but were told that during the next set we would be taking our own class, and in the final three weeks doing the lesson plans ourselves. As much as I loved all the little kiddos, I was dreading what the next weeks would bring.

Like always, God was working in me, even though I didn't realize it right away. Overwhelmed as I was, I kept telling myself you can do this. You are able to do this. This may not be what you want to do, but you can do this. And you need to make the most of it. That was as much of His voice as it was mine. Child, you can do this. I have put you here, and will give you the strength to do this. Don't worry. I have put you here for a reason, and you will grow from this experience. I'm here too. You will be fine. Somedays it's easier to not listen to that little voice. His little voice. Somedays I like to whine and complain and pretend my way's better, and think that another ministry site would be better. But that little voice was right. The time I've spent working in Monroy (name of the school) has been an incredible time of growth for me, and an amazing experience overall. Like I mentioned, I still don't feel like I will be a teacher after graduation. But as the weeks went on I could see the growth in my life, and feel my confidence rising. I may not want to teach someday, but I am capable of doing this. 

The second set of ministry sites was a lot better than the first. I was less overwhelmed in general (being out of the country does put you in a bit of a funk for awhile!), and more ready to make the most of the time I had to spend in the school. I even started enjoying what I was doing. And I completely fell in love with the kids at this school. I took over a class of 10 precious kindergarteners, started doing the lessons Abbey, my site leader, had prepared, and discovered that I had strengths and abilities I didn't know I had. Every day, God helped me to grow a little bit further. I stopped feeling overwhelmed. I started looking forward to the days at the school. I started forming relationships with my kiddos. And I realized everyday that the strength it took for me, a non-education major who doesn't want to teach after graduation, to teach these students could only come from Him. None of what I have done here has been on my own strength. It took me playing the role of teacher, to realize how much I still have yet to learn in life.

This third set of ministry sites has been fantastic. I've done the lesson planning myself, which is pretty amazing for someone who's never taken an education course (beyond the TESOL courses). My kindergarteners, and every other kid in the school, have completely stolen my heart, and I'm going to be so sad to leave them at the end of this week. I just want to steal them all and bring them home with me! Kidding... I realized that I can, in fact, teach. I don't plan on being a teacher, but would enjoy having a class or group of ESL students. I realized that I like to limit God, but that he's so much bigger than me, my plans, and fears. I realized I like to be in control, but it's always better to let him. I realized I am capable of much more than I let myself think I can do. I realized once again that His plan is always better than mine.

I don't know where He's calling me, or what I will end up doing after college next year. But I realized that if I trust Him and listen to that little voice, He'll put me exactly where he wants me. And will give me the strength to make it through ANY situation. After all, I'm not an education major. But I've just spent six weeks teaching English. In a school. In Latin America. He's big, folks. And He's good. And He'll see us through. Amen and Amen. :)

Vivian, one of the sixth graders

Lynzi and Fernando, two of my kindergarteners

Andre, another one of my kindergarten babies